Hamburglar Sentenced to Death by Lethal Injection of Special Sauce
The Hamburglar will be put to death today, barring any final clemency from Mayor McCheese. The death sentence will be carried out in the form of a lethal injection of special sauce.
After years of appeals and two jailbreaks, the long-awaited sentence is scheduled to begin at 3:01 p.m. CT. While the public is torn over the degree of punishment handed down from McDonaldland Super-Sized Court, there are a few people who feel the death penalty is justified.
"It's high time that criminal is taken out of the public's misery, " said Mr. Grimace. "He has had opportunity after opportunity to reform. Now he is all out of chances."
Others feel that the sentence is far too extreme. Ronald McDonald is one McDonaldland citizen who is praying for a stay of execution.
"I say we give him one more chance," said McDonald. "I mean, they're just hamburgers. It's not like we don't have the Fish Fillet." McDonald's views are in the minority though.
Many citizens of McDonaldland are simply sick and tired of hoodlums being let off with simple slaps on the wrist. Some people have even called for a change in both government policy and personnel.
"I think that Sheriff Big Mac needs to be let go," said Ms. Birdie. "How many times did he let the Hamburglar escape when he wasn't looking?"
The Hamburglar himself was surprisingly calm for a death-row inmate. This has raised the question of the Hamburglar's sanity. Some people now wonder if he should be granted clemency based on a plea of insanity.
When asked to comment on his current situation, the Hamburglar simply replied "Robble,robble." It is expressions like these that have further exasperated criminal pundits and analysts.
“My health was suffering because of this bastard, I can’t count how many lunches I lost because of him.”-GrimisMcDonaldland citizen
The scheduled execution is a step in a new direction for the McDonaldland government. Speculations abound as to the next phase in this new system of justice.
"I hope they lock up those goddamn Fry guys next," said Grimace. "That is one band of thugs I am tired of seeing evade the justice system."
After years of appeals and two jailbreaks, the long-awaited sentence is scheduled to begin at 3:01 p.m. CT. While the public is torn over the degree of punishment handed down from McDonaldland Super-Sized Court, there are a few people who feel the death penalty is justified.
"It's high time that criminal is taken out of the public's misery, " said Mr. Grimace. "He has had opportunity after opportunity to reform. Now he is all out of chances."
Others feel that the sentence is far too extreme. Ronald McDonald is one McDonaldland citizen who is praying for a stay of execution.
"I say we give him one more chance," said McDonald. "I mean, they're just hamburgers. It's not like we don't have the Fish Fillet." McDonald's views are in the minority though.
Many citizens of McDonaldland are simply sick and tired of hoodlums being let off with simple slaps on the wrist. Some people have even called for a change in both government policy and personnel.
"I think that Sheriff Big Mac needs to be let go," said Ms. Birdie. "How many times did he let the Hamburglar escape when he wasn't looking?"
The Hamburglar himself was surprisingly calm for a death-row inmate. This has raised the question of the Hamburglar's sanity. Some people now wonder if he should be granted clemency based on a plea of insanity.
When asked to comment on his current situation, the Hamburglar simply replied "Robble,robble." It is expressions like these that have further exasperated criminal pundits and analysts.
“My health was suffering because of this bastard, I can’t count how many lunches I lost because of him.”-GrimisMcDonaldland citizen
The scheduled execution is a step in a new direction for the McDonaldland government. Speculations abound as to the next phase in this new system of justice.
"I hope they lock up those goddamn Fry guys next," said Grimace. "That is one band of thugs I am tired of seeing evade the justice system."
posted by bohemiantroubadour at 8:31 PM
3 Comments:
Robble robble.
Not the Fry Guys!
They're all guilty.
Patism
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